Reflections from an old soldier

2 Timothy 4:7 “I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith”

God has been good to me throughout all my years of National Service (NS), despite my sins and faithlessness. Looking back, I would not have survived a day in the military, if not for the goodness and grace of God. I was enlisted on 15 September 1989 and retired on 18 August 2023. The NS journey that God had led me through has taught me many precious lessons.

All service will end one day. During my time in NS, there were times when work was so menial and mundane that I questioned the purpose of it all. There were also times when the burden, especially as a commander, was so overwhelming that I doubted my ability to bear it even for a day. I learnt that the key is with myself and not the task at hand. It was a lesson on being diligent and faithful to the task that was assigned to me, regardless of its magnitude. It was a lesson on trusting God and taking the challenge head on; on giving my best because I am doing it as unto my Lord Jesus.

A soldier will face the risk of death in a combat situation when fighting the enemy up close. These are situations when we really need to be brave in order to carry out the orders of our commander. Likewise, as Christians, there are also times when we need to be brave to do what pleases our Lord and not man. We need to be courageous, and do what our Lord requires of us. To bear a good witness for Him, to say a good word for our Lord, as well as to abstain from all temptation to sin and from all appearances of evil. There are ample opportunities to do so in NS with a captive audience during meals, admin time, breaks and in-between trainings. Such times often end when NS ends.

It matters not what rank we hold. It is interesting to observe that when we see a soldier, we instinctively look at his/her rank. This seems normal but reveals how we perceive ranks in the military; the higher the rank, the more attention and awe accorded to the person. This also infers that the lower the rank, the lesser the attention and importance. As a soldier, I believe every man occupies a unique place in the SAF, and each soldier plays an integral part in the defence of our country. Every rank and file can be gainfully deployed, and is essential to the overall success of our military operation.

As Christians, we are precious in God’s sight and are fit to do His bidding as we engage in the spiritual and invisible warfare by His equipping and enabling. Our Christian liberty to love and to do all things right in the sight of God transcends all ranks. We shine brightly when we obey our Master’s call to glorify Him; be it in a forgotten corner of a camp or leading hundreds on a mission exercise outfield. We are the Lord’s hands and mouth pieces. Our Christ-like conduct and speech are means by which our Lord uses to save souls to Himself. Not our ranks.

We have a greater Commander in Chief. As an officer, I bear a greater responsibility over the training and safety of my men, as well as the unit’s objective for the In-Camp Training (ICT). Bearing these burdens, I step through the gates of the camp for my ICTs often feeling inadequate for the tasks that lie ahead. And it was in such moments of weakness that I found peace, solace and strength in my greater Commander-in-Chief, to Whom I commit my struggles and distresses. Many things can go wrong and some indeed had seemingly gone wrong, as permitted by our sovereign God. But with each trial, God will supply help and grace sufficient for each moment.

The fight is always spiritual, not physical. I have learnt to refrain from blaming the system and murmuring about those whom God has placed over me. Pray and seek God first when we begin the day, and throughout every moment during the course of our NS. Put on the whole armour of God and be very vigilant to stand against the fiery darts of the Wicked One, lest we fall prey to the devil and stumble in our Christian mission.

For now, I can say I have fought a good fight in my NS journey, though not a perfect one. I want to be able to say the same for my entire Christian journey, that I have finished my course and have kept the faith.

To God be the glory.

For Honour and Glory?
A testimony of God’s infinite goodness and His patient dealings with a whiny, impatient child

             “B07, B08, B09…” Wait. B08? B08! (The serial number allocated to me during Basic Military Training).

             Who would have guessed that the utterance of these three sounds would later bring me multiple weeks of distress and angst? As my encik continued reading off the list of recruits who had been selected for CSLC (Commandos Small Unit Leaders Course), I felt my heart plunge right into my stomach, a dead weight now sitting ominously in my “already-going-into-panic-mode” self.

             What? Leaders Course? This was the course that I had been careful to avoid since the early days of BMT.

             As I resigned to sighing and holding my head in my hands despondently, and as some of my bunk mates gently patted me on the back as a euphemistic way of saying “RIP bro”, I realised that a new sense of fear, dread, frustration and discontent begin to envelope me.

             I don’t think God has ever really given me the exact opposite of what I desired. That was one of many thoughts swimming around in my mind, as I pondered how merciful and gracious God had been to me thus far. However, I guess this would be one of the first or more memorable times in my short twenty years of life that I really get to experience the reality of life.

             The Leaders Course is a course designed for the fittest, most capable few of the 240-strong commando intake that I was part of. That seemed like the complete opposite of a still-scrawny, kind-of-shy teenager like me who was barely getting used to the physical and mental demands of commandos. I also didn’t want to lead in this environment, as I firmly believed that it would be near impossible for me to stand out effectively in such a godless, sinful culture. As to how I was selected for this course, I really had no idea. I was easily nowhere above the average standard in my cohort, and yet God reserved a place in the course for me, one out of the 72 coveted slots. How much clearer could God make His will revealed to me, that this is where He wanted me to go?

             Throughout the course of BMT, I had carefully monitored my track record and performances to ensure that I stayed clear of the Leaders course. My physical fitness in terms of my IPPT scores was middling , I had asked my peers to give me average ratings for our peer appraisals, and I really don’t think I strongly exhibited any “leadership qualities”. Essentially, everything about me seemed to be nothing but average.

             I even remembered my platoon sergeant telling me privately that I was “too conservative of a character”. I had been very firm and adamant in my Christian convictions, and that rendered me slow to adapt to or embrace new situations. Whatever it was, my chances of getting into Leaders seemed infinitely small at this rate but, of course, God had a surprising turn of events planned for me.

             As we went into a week of block leave before CSLC commenced, I remembered being so overwhelmed with dread that I, to my great shame and regret, responded in sinful ways, to the will of God revealed to me. As I recalled the horror stories and warnings I had heard from my instructors, about how the course was “pure shag”, a “mini-Rangers course” and even the “hardest course for an NSF in the infantry”, I spiralled even more deeply into a vicious cycle of discontent. In retrospect, I really wish I had “lived above feeling” and risen above the internal tempest within me to set my eyes firmly on God, which He later graciously taught me to do as the weeks passed. I regret not doing my best for God then, in terms of how I handled the situation and restrained my sinful murmurings. Truly God is so merciful to me, that He did not award me punishment for my words, actions and thoughts then. It was really difficult for me to peel my eyes off the expectations of this course and fix my gaze heaven-ward toward God who had, in the grander scheme of things, set for me an eternal course for me to finish as His child on this earth.

             Another thing that I also struggled with was a terrible feeling of loneliness. This is especially when I felt that many people around me could not really understand what I was feeling. My parents, especially since they both grew up overseas, could not really understand why I dreaded this course so much and the people I spoke to in church seemed to downplay the emotions I felt. I felt that I was not understood enough and yet now looking back, I know that it was all in God’s control to make me see that Christ alone can bear my sorrows. That God alone is omniscient and He knows more about me than I ever will. I pray that this will encourage anyone who feels alone and unsupported to remember that God, who is still on the throne, yet condescends to watch over us.

             Unsurprisingly, CSLC did not disappoint. Many inconveniences which were previously unknown to me flooded in as I went into the course, making me even more depressed. These included, but were not limited to, a reduced average of 30 minutes of admin/phone time a week compared to an hour for other courses. Getting to do intense physical training, while the moon hung brightly in the sky above us and we were still sore from the previous day of exercise. Getting screamed at with vulgarities while frantically emptying and then repacking my field pack at 12 in the morning, while everyone else in the camp were sound asleep. Those screams of “EVERYTHING IN” and “TOO SLOW, EVERYTHING OUT” with a smattering of the usual vulgarities and “PUSH UP” will remain an unforgettable experience in my mind. Oh yes, and best of all, tons of outfield training – a timeless classic of CSLC.

             What especially frustrated me initially was the fact that I had no intrinsic motivation to work hard in this course, whilst my peers were ever so determined to excel. I have never felt so out of place in my life and that definitely did not help me to adjust to this course well. Many of my peers had surprisingly deep interests in the war-faring content taught to us which I really didn’t take to, or had a desire to prove and better myself in. Whatever it was, I quickly realised that I could only do all things for God’s glory, there being no other motivator in my mind. And I thank God for that, for teaching me to really do all things as just wanting to be a good testimony wherever I am.

             I distinctly remembered one occasion, on the very first day of CSLC, where the Wing Sergeant Major of the course asked us if there was anyone who genuinely had not wanted to be here. And guess who was the only one with his hand raised up? For the next few days of the course, my peers asked me “Oh then why on earth are you here” so frequently that I was again reminded that it was God who had placed me here, in this course. Truly God’s hand is mighty to order the events of our fleeting lives.

             As much as we were training to be very physically active during the course, I had to admit that my tear ducts were just as active during the first two weeks of the course. Just like my first few phone calls back home during the gruelling confinement of BMT, I found myself choking up incessantly and wiping back tears whenever I called home, sometimes to the point of embarrassing incoherence. Missing my family dearly amidst the “torturous” training, I was swarmed by the many depressing thoughts, so frequently that I was often disquieted in my soul. I wanted to be like my more fortunate peers. I wanted to quit and have a normal, unassuming path in vocations just like them. In fact, I was driven to the point where I even considered how to injure myself just enough to leave the course. However, just as God’s providence had led me in, it did not allow me to get injured and leave, even despite the strenuous training we underwent every day.

             With the one day a week that I got to book out during CSLC (as we booked out on Saturday afternoons and booked in on Sunday nights), I spent most of it trying not to break down into an emotional mess. Needless to say, my tear ducts were still very “operationally ready” or “fit for firing”, and there were so many times where I would sing a certain phrase of a hymn at YF or service and immediately have to sniff back tears.

             It was in these few weeks that I prayed like never before. Sought God and His will like never before and cried out to Him like never before. At that point in time, you certainly did not have to remind me often to pray, for my desperation and frustrations had frequently drove me to the mercy seat in search for relief. This new experience definitely stressed me out in so many ways that I had never experienced before, and for once I felt truly surrounded by throngs of potent worries and distresses. With the pains of loneliness, frustration, constant stress and fatigue, I felt so often that I would surely crumble. If not for God’s grace and enabling, that probably would have been the case.

             The Psalms gave me immense comfort as I found myself suddenly able to relate to David in many ways. I fondly remember struggling to wake up at four-ish in the mornings albeit to find great assurance and relatability in those passages. At that same time, I would also keep the printed hymns in the Church Weekly to bring to camp.  Hymns that I kept with me throughout the weeks like “God is still on the throne” and “Happiness is to know the Saviour” greatly lifted up my downcast spirit. By God’s grace, I slowly but surely learnt to accept God’s will for me and focused solely on Him while always endeavour to be a good witness for Him.

             One hymn that I have kept dearly with me, especially in those few weeks, is a hymn entitled “Abba, Father” that I learnt in the YPC years ago. The first stanza of the hymn reads:

Father, hold me safe in Your arms;
Father, keep me free from all harm.
I cast my care on You
Just like a child should do
Trusting, loving all that You are.
Abba, Father,
I rest in you;
You’re always faithful,
You’re always true.
Abba, Father,
You are my song
Though days are rough,
Though night is long.
I cry to you,
Abba, Father.

             I truly thank God for such hymns which taught me how to verbalise my emotions and thoughts in prayer to the Lord, especially when I am felt overwhelmed and weak.

             The days eventually passed by and I soon found myself at week 3 of CSLC – specifically in the unfriendly forests of Tekong. At this point, I was a bit stressed for something new – I had realised that my assessments and interviews for university were nearing. For many years, I had been very interested in a particular course of study and thus these assessments were very important to me. Realising then that being in CSLC meant I would have almost no time to prepare for the assessments . The assessments are usually early on Saturday mornings and I book out late Friday nights. Again, I became quite stressed and fearful but I thank God by then that He had taught me to fear less and just cast the cares on Him.

             There were many instances where I experienced God’s nearness and help towards me in those three weeks. Of all the terrifying and fear-inspiring Ranger/SF accredited instructors in CSLC, my detachment and I were assigned the three nicest instructors in the whole course. On the day when I was appointed to be daily IC of the whole course responsible for the running of that day’s programme, it turned out that the chief instructor of that day whom I had to report to was the nicest instructor amongst all of them. One last memorable event was when my group was assigned the meanest instructors in the course for a whole outfield training. Somehow, he was strangely calm and nice to us throughout the whole course of training. Truly, God controls the hearts and minds of men! These things greatly relieved my stress and frustrations and I learnt to be thankful for all these little things God had given me as evidence of His presence with me.

             And then that eventful day came.

             After a few tiring days of navigation exercise, we were about to embark on a final 4-5km route march back to the ferry terminal.  As we rushed to move off for the march, I had to grab a handful of additional detachment equipment for by then my detachment mates were already quite tired.

             At the last 500m stretch of the march, it seemed that we were all going strong when I stepped into a particularly-normal-looking patch of road and fell. All the loose gravel beneath the rocks, which I could not see, gave way and I fell awkwardly. With the heavy weight on my back, I fell hard and broke my fall with my right wrist out of pure instinct. At that point, my wrist was a bit sore and tender, but I shook it off and continued the training. After all, it wasn’t a sharp pain, so nothing serious, right?

             The next day back in camp, as we wrapped up a run at about six in the morning, one of my detachment mates was visibly in pain and limping around. Learning that he was having knee pain, I volunteered to buddy with him and carried his things for him as we went to report sick at the Medical Centre together. Might as well get my wrist checked out too, I figured. That is where I learnt about the scaphoid bone.

             Long story short, my symptoms presented a worrying case of a possible scaphoid bone fracture – which is a case where treatment for it requires a lot of caution and time, given that any deterioration could lead to long-term arthritis and related complications. While my buddy just got a bunch of pills and a few days of Light Duty, I found myself escorted to CGH in an ambulance. An X-ray and consultation later, I was dressed in a blue CGH patient gown and adorned with a cast and given medicines plus a 14 days medical leave. Needless to say, I could not believe it.

             I barely felt any pain in my wrist. Now that I had a 14 days medical leave, this meant that I could be home with my family and attend all the church activities and most importantly of all, OoC (Out of Course)! To think, just as I had finally prepared myself to face the remaining weeks of the course, God saw it fit to lead me out.

             During my first visit at CGH, the x-ray showed a faint line on the scaphoid bone of my right wrist, which looked like a hairline fracture. However, at my consultation with a specialist a week later, the x-ray taken that day showed that the line had disappeared. I was amazed. God’s hand was so evident in my life! Best of all, my medical leave was extended for another week as they found a possible cause of concern in the x-ray. However, following a CT scan, I was cleared of all suspected problems. I was back to full health again, and so quickly!

             The 3 weeks of rest were certainly good and God was so gracious to give me much time and freedom which I had sorely missed. I was able to catch up on my areas of service in church, listen to many sermons for the first time in a while and actually sit down to do long quiet times every day. If not for the specific duration of my medical leave, I would not have been able to attend the weekly prayer meetings and Easter Sunday services, which I really thank God for as well! I found that I had suddenly so much time to prepare for my interviews, and I thank God for this great relief of my worries. My cup runneth over!

             Dear reader, I pray that my testimony will encourage you in some way, although I pray that my verbose manner of writing would not have distracted you from tracing the hand of God in my testimony. When we are placed in situations or places that we would not like to be in, let us never become “Jonahs”, but let us be “Davids”, always fixing our gaze upon God and giving ourselves to incessant prayer. Looking back, I can testify with much boldness that I would not have had this time pass by in any other way. I thank God for His will in my life with a grateful, thankful heart. May we all learn to trust in the Lord more and lean upon Him amidst life’s various quandaries and difficulties. Soli Deo Gloria!

Yours Truly and In Christ,
Johann Boi

Out-Of-Course

I believe that among many who have served their national service, there aren't many who have had a tenure of service as eventful as mine. Hence, I wish to testify of the goodness of the Lord despite the multiple setbacks I have faced.

To contextualise things, I was enlisted into NDU directly, and did not take the Tekong route which most of my peers took. Initially, I was terrified, fearful of all the hardships I was bound to face as a diver-to-be. A distinct memory I have of my BMT was calling my parents during my first week, tearing as I told them of how much I disliked it there. But as I grew familiar with the regime and standards expected of me by my warrant officers, I opened up to the prospect of becoming a naval diver and enjoyed my time there for the rest of my BMT. God also gave me a like-minded brother from True Life BP, and were able to do QT with and pray for each other. The fellowship that I partook within the confines of the camp was one I will always cherish and remember. By God's grace, I was well-liked by my superiors, and also won the Best PT award at the end of my BMT.

However, the higher you climb, if  you were to slip, the more painful the fall. I entered Combat Diver's Course with the high expectations  by my warrants of my peers and myself to push through and excel. While the first few weeks of the course were gruelling (expectedly so), I pulled through with encouragement from God's word. It wasn't until the fourth week that my body began to show aversion to the water evolutions I had to go through. It started with this activity called bobbing. The first few times when I tried it, all went well and I was able to do it, though with slight difficulty. But one particular bobbing gave me a splitting headache, which was later suspected to be barotrauma (pressure-induced trauma), and later on, I also suffered similar effects in my ears. Although I wished to continue, I knew that it was unwise to do so, as I could potentially suffer irreversible damage to my ears and head from the inability to equalise pressure, especially if I were to dive to deeper depths in the future.

And before I knew it, my time in NDU was over. While leaving, I carried a lot of regrets, knowing that if I persevered in the course, I would have likely gone to OCS. For the next couple of weeks, my batch completed their hell week, and graduation parade, while my school friends were commissioned from OCS. While I was happy for their accomplishments, there was this sour aftertaste knowing that if I was not bounded by my physical infirmities, I would be among them.

Upon reflection, I saw both God's merciful hand and his rebuke in this setback. I saw his mercy and grace in how He brought me through the tough experiences  at the start of my stay in NDU to strengthen my faith. He gave my body early red flags to prevent me from hurting myself more than I should. At the same time, I saw his chastisement as I was transferred to FCTU, silently acknowledged by many in the Navy as the rubbish dump of the Navy, with dropouts from everywhere in the Navy and certain superiors who ended up there due to attitude issues or major errors in their job. My vocation was no longer prestigious, neither did I get to don the shirt with the bright yellow "NAVAL DIVER" at the back and walk around the naval base with pride.

Pride. My feeling of inadequacy stemmed from an innate arrogance and belief that I was better than my new unit, better than many of my batchmates still in NDU. I was brought to my knees by the Lord in my Out Of Course (OOC): "Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall." (Proverbs 16:18 KJV). Being in my current unit has given me experiential knowledge of what the apostle Paul meant in Philippians 4:12: "I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need." In my time as a student, I have enjoyed a fair amount of success, and was poised to continue that trend in NS, only for the Lord to put a stop in my tracks and make me realise the importance of humility. As a nobody at where I am currently, I have learned that if I am nothing in even this small unit, how much more miniscule I must be from God's perspective.

To conclude, while "OOC" is an ominous phrase, I encourage anyone who faces a similar situation as I did to stop looking back in regret in what could have been, but rather, to see God's purpose in putting you through this.

Blessings received, Lessons Learnt from NS

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

"Rejoice evermore. Pray without ceasing. In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you."

These verses, or Rev Quek like to call it the 'Christian Hamburger', sum up the experience I had thus far as I serve in NS. There were so many times during the course of NS that I had feared because I did not know how am I going to bear or go through it. From student to soldier to sailor, it seems so easy to follow others to murmur and complain. Thank God that through His grace and mercies, He reminded me to pray in these circumstances and I thank God that they were answered.

An example would be during BMT. He answered my prayer by providing me Christian brethren, not just in the same company or platoon, but in the same section as well.  To have an encouraging Christian brother was truly a gift from God that I did not expect, especially in an unknown setting of Tekong. God makes no mistakes in where we were placed and, most of the time, it was only in hindsight that we can see God's hand in our lives.

The time that I learnt the most is when I was posted on board a ship in the Navy. It was a time of great difficulty in terms of learning Naval matters and being a Christian. The unpredictability and tightness of the schedule meant that there was little to no time for me to do anything. The stressful environment did not help lighten the load either. It took a long time for me to accept why did God place me in the Navy. I even asked God to put me 'Out Of Course', if it is God's will, because it felt like a burden that was difficult to carry.

Nevertheless, I thank God that He was merciful and patient with me, reminding me through a hymn that God will be faithful to preserve me through these trials that I have to face. "Moment by moment I'm kept in His love, Moment by moment I've life from above; Looking to Jesus till glory doth shine; Moment by Moment, O Lord, I am Thine". God commands and places us in these areas of service, but it is also the wonderful truth that He also walks with us each step of the way.

He taught me lessons such as time management, where I saw more meaning in the saying of "Idle hands are the devil's workshop". It means the more time spent working, the lesser time spent in evil works. When they were not doing any work, smoking, drinking and crude conversations were all they spent on.  It was an environment that I struggled to face every day in guarding my words and my actions as a Christian soldier.  Thank God that He has given me the words to speak and to perform well, and that gave me opportunities to share Christ with them.

Truly, NS has been a great blessing for me, teaching me to be a better Christian daily and all these are only possible through the simple act of prayer. Without prayer, I wouldn't be able to see God's hand in providing me Christian brethren. Without prayer, I might have succumbed to the pressure to complain and neglect my calling to serve on board the ship. Lastly, without prayer, I would have depended on my own strength rather than on God's strength which will help me grow as a Christian. All glory be given to God who reigns as the Supreme Commander above.

I thank God for the opportunity I have been given to share my testimony of my National Service (NS). God has been very merciful and gracious in preserving me throughout these two years. He has not only seen me through NS, but has also taught me many spiritual lessons.

As I share of God’s goodness to me, I pray that this testimony may be used for the edification and encouragement of others. May all things be done for His glory!

I have structured my testimony into five main points:

1. My initial feelings when I enlisted into army
2. What my army life was really like
3. The joys I experienced during my NS
4. The struggles I faced
5. The spiritual lessons I learnt

My initial feelings when I enlisted into army

Prior to my enlistment into army, I received a letter from the Singapore Armed Forces (SAF) informing me of my Physical Employment Standards (PES) status. Having born with congenital heart defects, I was not surprised when my PES status was indicated as 'E9L9' - basically the lowest rating. Despite expecting this, I was still nonetheless a little disappointed. I enjoy new experiences and have always led a very active lifestyle. Thus, I was keen on experiencing what many referred to as the 'regimentation life'.

When I shared with others that my PES status was classified under 'E', many replied with similar statements. These responses largely revolved around something like "clerk life is the good life" and "so good, you will get to book out every day". The remarks I received naturally lowered my expectations of what I imagined my NS life to be. I remember enlisting with a bittersweet feeling - on one hand disappointed that I would not understand what it is like to be a combat soldier; but on the other, ready to enjoy what many described as a smoother NS journey.

What my army life was really like

With such sentiments towards my prospective clerk roles and duties, I started developing a very lackadaisical attitude. There were no milestones to clear, no physically strenuous obstacles to overcome and no exercises to showcase my team working abilities. There was simply my computer, my mouse and my keyboard. Therefore, I saw my NS life as degrading and monotonous. Despite living the "good life", there were many aspects of army which I still perceived as redundant and 'a waste of time'. Hence, I became very discontented and often complained to God.

Although I dreaded the dull office work in MINDEF HQ, there were some unique experiences that I relished. Being at the heart and core of the SAF where many important meetings are held, I got to see many high-ranking officers including foreign delegates at work. In addition, I often had the opportunity to despatch classified files to the chiefs' offices and sometimes even to the minister's office. There was absolutely zero regimentation imposed around the headquarters and the life there was similar to the life of an intern. Basically, nothing more was expected of us as long as we completed our work on time. This was the reality of my army life and it was something I did not expect at all.

The joys I experienced during my NS

As I was placed in a position which did not require much responsibility, I found a lot of time for myself. I was able to attend night classes at Far Eastern Bible College (FEBC) weekly, attend the weekly church prayer meetings, the annual church camps, YF activities, and to use the free time I had in the office to complete any commitments I had in church. Through all of these activities, I was able to grow in my knowledge of the Word of God and also to serve God without the constraint of time.

The struggles I faced

However, having the liberty of time during NS really acted as a double-edged sword. Although I was able to experience many spiritual blessings, it was also very easy for my mind to start pondering upon carnality during my free time. Through this struggle, God brought to remembrance a lesson I learnt in Teenz class many years ago. The lesson was about filling our minds with things which are holy and it was taken from Philippians 4:8.

"Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things."

With such recollection, I was determined to prevent my mind from idling during my free time in the office. I started doing my Quiet Time (QT), reading Christian literature and studying for FEBC whenever I was done with my office work. This really helped me to refocus my thoughts on things that were godly.

The spiritual lessons I learnt

Although I had a lot of time to read God's word and to grow spiritually, there were days when time was not used for the Lord. In Matthew 6:21, the Bible reads "For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also". In the preceding verses, the Bible talks about laying treasures either in heaven or upon earth. If I was not using the time to lay up treasures in heaven, my heart will not regard things of eternal value, but things of temporal worth. Hence, the things I chose to invest my free time in became a very clear indication of where my heart truly was and I reflected upon this a lot.

While reflecting upon my heart's desires, God taught me another very important lesson. Whenever I failed to spend my time wisely for the Lord, God used his Word to rebuke me. He reminded me that I am a steward of the possessions I have on this earth including the time given to me. My whole life is accountable to God and I would have to give an answer of how I have used it to serve Him. This fearful understanding caused me to search my intentions and motives. It made me resolved to use my time effectively to serve God and changed my whole perspective of my term in NS.

As my Operationally Ready Date (ORD) drew closer, I felt a sense of urgency to show Christ through my conduct. Furthermore, God gave me the burden to evangelise to some of my National Serviceman Full-time (NSF) friends. I managed to bring a friend for one of the FEBC night class for a semester. There were also times when my friends noticed me reading the Bible and came over to ask me about it. Through this, God opened many windows of opportunities to share the gospel and to invite them to church. With such a change in my perception of the limited time I had in NS, my initial reluctance of serving my nation was replaced by an eager desire to serve God. The joy I felt serving God in my workplace made my calling as a Christian in the SAF so much clearer and I thank God for that.

On hindsight, I have come to better understand what the phrase "clerk life is the good life" really means. Before enlisting, I saw clerk life as good for reasons such as daily book outs, relatively easier NS than combat soldiers, and lesser responsibility to the servicemen around me. However, I realised that with the daily book outs comes the accountability of my time to the Lord. With the 'easier' life comes the temptation to rely on self and not trusting in God. With the lesser responsibility comes more time on my hands and the tendency of not using it for the Lord. Evidently, the "good life" does not refer to all the superficial reasons that I previously regarded clerk life for; but rather, the abundant time I had in NS to grow spiritually and to serve God, and also the opportunity to use it to show Christ in my life.

God was gracious in reminding me of my role as a Christian in the SAF. It is true that I had a smaller extent of responsibilities in terms of my NS duties to fulfil. However, from a spiritual perspective, the commission to preach the gospel and to be a good witness for Christ remains the same whichever vocation I am called to in the army. Comparatively, I did not hold the responsibility of protecting the physical lives of my men as a combat soldier would. However, the spiritual lives of those around me mattered for eternity, and God made me realise that I still had that great responsibility of being a good ambassador for Christ.

To conclude, I thank God for seeing me through my NS. There were many spiritual trials that I had to wrestle with but God continued to preserve and to provide for me. It was in these difficulties that God helped me to recognise my true calling as a Christian in NS - not merely as a patriotic NSF of the SAF, but a faithful soldier of the Lord's army. To God be the glory!

RCC Testimony

"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me." The words of Psalms 23:4 were, to me, God's promise of His keeping during my time in the RSTA Commander Course (RCC).

At the onset, being among the more physically demanding courses in the SAF, I had many uncertainties and fears. But God who is faithful to His own in every trial, gave me the grace to trust Him.

Part and parcel of reconnaissance missions is navigation. I remember one night during an exercise when my section was tasked to find checkpoints in the dense vegetation. It was pouring heavily and we were lost. Very lost. The general mood was naturally to complain about how we were likely to be confined for retraining during the weekend as a result. The verse "In every thing give thanks" from 1Thesselonians 5:18 came to mind. I truly thank God for rebuke from His word and the simple ways He reminds me of His sovereign hand. God was teaching me to trust Him.

Through the weeks and many outfield trainings, God taught me the importance of prayer. For the many who have served in the army, waiting is something familiar to us. It was especially at these times that I felt befitting to commune with God and to wait on Him. Psalms 91:1-2: "He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust." Again, God was teaching me to trust Him.

One of the most difficult aspects was keeping my daily devotions amidst the hectic training schedule. I thank God for teaching me the importance of memorising scripture in a very practical way during my time in the course. God has used His word to comfort my heart in times of physical exertion and mental stress in ways I am grateful for. I learnt that even without a physical copy of the Bible, God still is able to comfort the troubled heart that recalls His word. "Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee. Trust ye in the Lord forever: for in the Lord JEHOVAH is everlasting strength:" Isaiah 26:3-4

Lastly, I thank God for raising the NS ministry outreach in this church which has been a channel of God's blessing both to me, and to NSFs and 'regulars' alike.

My prayer is that we will "endure hardness, as a good soldier of Jesus Christ.", knowing that: "No man that warreth entangleth himself with the affairs of this life; that he may please him who hath chosen him to be a soldier." 2 Timothy 2:3-4.

A Testimony of a NSF

Daniel 4:35, “And all the inhabitants of the earth are reputed as nothing: and he doeth according to his will in the army of heaven, and among the inhabitants of the earth: and none can stay his hand, or say unto him, What doest thou?”

Almost every Singaporean son… and some daughters will eventually serve National Service Fulltime once they come of age. Many will agree that it is something inevitable and almost unavoidable. However, just because everyone is serving, that doesn’t mean that everyone is actually serving. Let me explain myself. Sitting in front of a desk and reading a textbook, doesn’t mean that you are studying. Your mind could be wandering or thinking of something else, but no studying is being done.

I have seen and experienced many different characters and individuals during my service thus far and there are simply two kinds of people in the army. Those who want to serve and those who do not.

Ultimately whether you like it or not, everyone has to serve. There’s just no getting around it or running away. Personally, serving in the army was not something I actively thought or worried about when I was growing up. The only reason I put thought into army when I was growing up was when my sisters or mum would mock and ask me how I would survive in the army next time whenever I did something that didn’t appear to be manly or soldier-ish enough. But I just brushed it aside and told myself that I would deal with it when the time comes.

If you know me well enough, you will realise that I am not a very optimistic person. And where I was going; pessimism could very easily kill your morale. Every soldier knows how important morale is, and why it is important. It would have been easy for me to approach Nation Service with a negative mind-set, but with much encouragement and prayer from my family, I went in with peace. Also, I thank God that I had my dad; who was the biggest pro-army non-regular I have met in my entire life.

My Basic Military Training days were basically an adjustment period from a civilian to a soldier. Suddenly, from having so much freedom to none at all, and at the same time; from so little real responsibility to so much all at once. Overcoming BMT was all about the mind-set. Physically, the instructors would train you and overtime, the drills and regimentation of the army would set into you. But the one thing that only you yourself can manage is your mentality. It can honestly be a very humbling experience, and being able to thank God for every single moment really helped get me through it. A quick prayer in a tough situation or reciting Psalms 1 whenever I felt weak or angry. It was clearly evident to me when I marched onto the floating platform, signifying the completion of my BMT, that I would not have been able to accomplish any of these without God’s help every step of the way.

After passing out from BMT, another trial awaited me in SAFTI MI. BMT had been fun and I was already missing the company of my platoon mates. My morale was pretty low and I struggled to find motivation in an entirely different environment. Officer Cadet School brought regimentation and discipline to a whole new level. There was pride that came with being an officer cadet, but that pride had to be earned. I still remember lying on my bed on the 2nd night; my mind was overwhelmed with the pressure of the upcoming schedule in the months to come. I debated with myself on what I had gotten myself into, and whether or not I could do this. I closed my eyes and prayed earnestly to God for strength and guidance.

The next morning, my buddy overslept and did not fall in for first parade. I got scolded and screamed at for about 30 minutes on the importance of the buddy level system and did about 100 push ups with my buddy. Later on in the afternoon, someone had left the tap running in one of the toilets. Our whole platoon had to write 3000 lines of “I will not waste any more water as it is a precious resource and will not leave the tap running.” by the end of that day. At the lecture, someone was caught writing his lines and not paying attention to the lesson, and every one of us had to write 2000 lines on “I will concentrate and focus during lectures.” My hands cramped up that entire day. That day, we did about a total of 500 push ups for all the mistakes we committed one way or the other. Somehow, at the end of the day, I was not so worried about the months to come and neither was I debating internally on whether or not I could do this anymore. God had seen me through what could have been a difficult day, and I was still in one piece lying on my bed waiting for rest to come. There was no point in worrying about what lay ahead or whether I could get through it, because I knew that God would see me through and whatever happened was in God’s control. I slept soundly knowing that I had absolutely nothing to worry about.

My buddy apologised to me for oversleeping and I apologised for not checking up on him. Because of the incident, we laughed it off and became a lot closer. I also found out he was a Christian and we managed to encourage each other throughout our OCS days because of this.

The days and months ahead in OCS were daunting and trying. There were many difficult exercises and short weekends, burnt holidays and family time. So many times I felt dread and exhausted. But through every step of the journey, God has undoubtedly been with me and guided me. The difficulties and trials that you will face in Army, whether big or small, outfield training or in-house administration, from superiors or your men; are part of God’s plan. It is up to you how you choose to face them. You can choose to do your best for Christ, or you can choose to escape. Everyone has to serve, but not everyone chooses to serve Christ. I hope you get the idea.

Psalms 1, “Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful. But his delight is in the law of the Lord; and in his law doth he meditate day and night. And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forth his fruit in his season; his leaf also shall not wither; and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper. The ungodly are not so: but are like the chaff which the wind driveth away. Therefore the ungodly shall not stand in the judgment, nor sinners in the congregation of the righteous. For the Lord knoweth the way of the righteous: but the way of the ungodly shall perish.”

Back to serve NS

This is a testimony in relation to the conviction behind returning to Singapore to serve my national service.

I was born in Singapore, and my family migrated to Australia when I was turning 12. We have been living there for the past 14 years, and have not been back to Singapore, nor had any intention to do so at any time. We do not have any close relatives here, and my parents were not born in Singapore.

Having lived in Australia for the past 14 or so years, I had obtained citizenship and had planned on continuing to live there. With this mindset, I decided to renounce my Singaporean Citizenship, but my application for renunciation was withheld, on the grounds that I had not served my National Service.

I was then left to decide whether to leave Australia and go over to Singapore on my own, leave behind my job, and my career, my parents and sisters, my girlfriend, for two years, or to stay in Sydney, and just never go back to Singapore.

Leaving to serve my national service could mean destroying my career prospects, and also not being able to save as much money as I could be saving in Sydney, making the possibility of getting a place right after marriage almost impossible. It would also mean throwing away any possibility of getting married in the near future...

However, the most important thing in this life is not all these things, it’s not my career, it’s not prospects of marriage, though these things are important, one that far outweighs these in importance is my Christian testimony.

Being still, a Singaporean Citizen, I find myself without excuse to heed the laws of the land, to yield to the government, the higher power which has been put in place by God.

Romans 13:1-2 “Let every soul be subject unto the higher powers. For there is no power but of God: the powers that be are ordained of God. Whosoever therefore resisteth the power, resisteth the ordinance of God: and they that resist shall receive to themselves damnation.”

With this conviction, I have returned to serve out my National Service, and to face any legal consequences that may come with this decision.

I have no intention of staying in Singapore or even just visiting Singapore, but am yet bound by the duty to obey the Words of our Lord. I am back in Singapore, solely to do right by the Singaporean Government, and by God, and to then return to my life in Sydney.

1 Thessalonians 5:18, “In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.”

Looking back on my BMT and SCS Foundation term, the Lord has been gracious to sustain me through these 2 phases of NS. During the past few months, I was exposed to the common hardships of adjustment such as collective 'tekan' and only being able to return home 2 out of 7 days a week. These experiences were completely alien from my civilian life, and we had no power to change our circumstances as compared to the outside world. It is in these times that the temptation to murmur and complain is far stronger, especially when everyone around you is doing likewise.

For me, 1 Thessalonians 5:18 was a difficult verse to apply. Naturally, giving thanks was easy when I had the freedom of time back in my JC or secondary school days, or even when we are given more admin time or welfare in camp. However, giving thanks was tough once trial of any form was introduced. For instance, in SCS, I was scheduled for guard duty the night immediately after field camp. However, my section was to role-play as the 'enemy' so my duty was pushed to the night after, which happened to be nights out day. The following day, shellscrape digging allowed us to book out individually based on how fast we complete our digging. I was not allowed to participate in the digging due to insufficient rest following my guard duty. I was instead tasked to help with the stores and only allowed to book out after the last wave of cadets had left. In summary, I missed nights out after field camp and had to book out last on Friday.

I recalled this verse and while difficult to constantly apply and remind myself not to complain, it also showed me the vast difference between head knowledge and experiential knowledge of God's Word. When sermons are being preached, we often imagine ourselves passing spiritual tests with flying colours, having full confidence in the strength of our faith. It's only when we encounter trials, even those as trivial as this, that we realize where and how much we're lacking spiritually.

I thank God for putting me through NS, as it's an environment I'll probably never be put in again. It exposes the gaps in my spiritual walk, and will continue to be a testing ground to teach me to "count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations" (James 1:2) Without National Service, such spiritual lessons which prepare us for the road ahead, would not be learnt from the comfort of our civilian lives.

I'm currently in my 5th month of National Service as an NSF, and I truly thank God for NS as it has given me an experience I never had before and probably will never ever have again.

In the past 5 months, God has taught me how to keep Him in constant prayer. For the first time in my life, I have no control of what will happen to me day in and day out. This really humbled me as I was always able to do something when faced with tough situations. In NS, there are moments when you can do nothing but just to pray. I learnt that prayer is more than sufficient, knowing that we have an almighty God to lean upon. It was on the last day of my Specialist Cadet School field camp in Pulau Tekong and we were about to go back to camp first thing in the morning. As we formed up in preparation to march back, I realized I left my rifle back in the jungle. I rushed back into the vegetation and searched for it in the dark as it was still about 5-6am in the morning. At that moment, I prayed harder than I ever had before. The search took only a short 10 mins but it felt like forever. Thank God that I found it in the end. A lesson for me, not just on responsibility but also on prayer.

Psalms 18:2
“The LORD is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower.”

Psalm 18 is a Psalm that spoke and encouraged me a lot. Through this Psalm, we see how David trusted in the Lord. Despite how much he had to endure and even to run for his life, David triumphs with God’s help. David placed his confidence in God’s will and trust Him for deliverance. I am learning to apply this lesson in my Christian life and I pray for all fellow soldiers in Christ to lean on Him in your daily walk in NS, to know that we are fighting a spiritual warfare, not a physical one.

Thank God I have been given the opportunity to write a testimony of my National Service (NS) experience. NS was a blessed time for me as I faced many trials and difficulties. As a young Christian, it was an encouragement and had built up my faith.

My NS journey started on 041114, enlisting into 1^st Company, Basic Military Training Centre (BMTC). Subsequently, after the BMTC Passing-Out-Parade (POP) on 030115, by God’s grace, I was posted to Officer Cadet School (OCS). After commissioning on 171015, I was posted back to BMTC, J Company as a Platoon Commander to train recruits. My NS journey ended on 030916. As I looked back, I thank God for his faithfulness in preserving me every day, be it smooth sailing or physically and mentally demanding.

One of the most difficult moments of NS was in Brunei during the Jungle Confidence Course (JCC). JCC is a Navigation and Survival exercise where we were “stranded” and must make our way back to camp. It was segregated to navigation, climbing, setting up shelter and a hike back to campsite.

A couple of hours before JCC officially commenced, I read the Cheque Book of Bank of Faith, daily readings by CH. Spurgeon. I remembered this day very clearly because I was greatly encouraged and comforted by God’s word which spoke to my fearful heart: “God shall be with you” -Genesis 48:21.

As we began our JCC course at about 0630hrs, we felt confident as we were well prepared and hyped up from our prior trainings and letters from our family and friends (which we were given the previous night). We also consumed about 2 bars of dark chocolate and 1.5 litres of Sprite drink to fill our stomach as much as possible as we knew we had only 48 hours of field rations, 1 quail and 1 potato for the 9 days.

However, halfway through the second day, hunger and exhaustion kicked in and many were complaining of the heat, hunger, the enormous weight on our shoulders and the knowledge that we still had 7 more days to go. There were numerous times when someone would ask: Are we are nearing the checkpoint? or How much longer more? Being the team’s only plotter, I felt the stress as everyone was looking to me for assurance that we were still on track. My shoulders were crying in pain, my body soaked in sweat and my breathing became harder and more uncomfortable in the dense, hot and humid jungle of Brunei. I wanted to shout at everyone so badly, I wanted to tell them how equally or even more worse state I felt having to endure the physical stress as well as the plotter’s work. However, I also wanted to bear a good witness for Christ. In my mind, there was this struggle and wrestle back and forth: for self-sake or God-sake. As all emotional, mental and physical stress weighed down, I broke down- in my head. I teared silently to myself, thinking: “what on earth am I doing here?!”

I thank God for His faithfulness. I’ve memorized simple verses in BMT which became very personal to me and came to my every aid, including this one:

“Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.” – Romans 12:21

“I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.” – Philippians 4:13

“And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” – 2 Corinthians 12:9

As these verses went through my head, I was assured and comforted. I could think clearer and did my best to navigate our team to the next check point and thereafter. Throughout the 9 days of JCC, there were many similar occasion like this. Some were more physically painful; having to go on all fours to climb up and down the slippery rocks of Mt Biang. Some were more mentally challenging; having gotten lost in the jungle which resulted to back tracking to the previous known location. Some were both mentally and physically enduring: starvation until the point of seeing mud as chewy milk chocolate. I thank God for preserving me throughout all these difficulties, bringing me back safely to the campsite and ultimately causing my faith in Him to grow.

It is truly a blessing to have known Christ before NS as I saw His hand working every way through my NS journey. The encouragements and comfort I had during the lowest moments of NS. The rebukes that brought me back to Christ when I strayed. The guidance of attaining leadership skills as a commander in BMTC, when there were barely any of these soft skills in OCS. The companionships I had, and I enjoyed, and those who witnessed my testimony.

As I reflect upon my NS journey, I cannot thank God enough for this blessed journey He laid for me. To those going into National Service or already in it, may you learn to trust in the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and grow in faith and love and knowledge for Him.

“Therefore Being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ: By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulations worketh patience; And patience, experience; and experience, hope: And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us.” -Romans 5:1-5

NS Ministry: Spiritual Lesson from BMT days

Thank God for the opportunity to be able to share with you the spiritual lesson from my BMT in Pulau Tekong.

A verse in mind that best summarises my sharing will be Romans 13:1 “Let every soul be subject unto the higher powers. For there is no power but of God: the powers that be are ordained of God.”

Moving on from one phase of life to another is surely a spiritual test. Heading from the liberating school environment to life under strict military regimentation can be a fearful experience to many who may not be able to adjust themselves to the sudden change. I recalled the first few nights in Pulau Tekong where I kept waking up in the middle of the night all because I missed home. However, one lesson I learnt throughout the two months is to constantly trust in the Lord’s leading. For in Him we will never be alone even though we may be physically far away from home and church. It is God’s grace and mercy that has sustained and preserved me throughout the 10 weeks in BMT. I will share one lesson that I have learnt; the wholehearted submission to the higher authority.

There were many instances when the commanders, who were placed in charge of us, were unreasonable in the punishments meted out. One such incident was when my platoon was told to march around the cookhouse and the parade square for 30 minutes just because one of my platoon mate failed to march properly. We carried out the punishment but my friends  did so with a murmuring spirit in their hearts. Such attitude can also be observed in the other things that they do in camp. 

This should not be the case of a Christian soldier. We should submit wholeheartedly to the higher authorities without complaining. The verses 1 Peter 2: 13-14 “Submit yourselves to every ordinance of man for the Lord's sake: whether it be to the king, as supreme; Or unto governors, as unto them that are sent by him for the punishment of evildoers, and for the praise of them that do well.” came into mind when I was reflecting on the lesson of wholehearted submission. There will be many moments when we may feel that it is unfair that we are being punished for minor mistakes or without any reason. However, when I looked back, I know that it is all part of God’s plan to test our faith in Him. Whether or not we will submit and obey the commanders He had placed above us wholeheartedly without murmuring and complaining. Others may not be able to see our faith in Christ but they will definitely be able to observe our every conduct and speech. Stumbling our unbelieving friends with our unguarded lips in a moment of foolishness is the last thing we want to do because it tarnishes the image of Christ that they see in us.

On the other hand, when we  submit to our commanders, we must also  be sure that there is nothing inherently sinful  in the activity itself. For  example, it will be wrong  of the commanders if they were to ask you to  smoke or gamble. In such case, we must be firm in our Christian stand and be ready to explain to them why we are not able to obey them in these things.

Thank God for His grace and mercies which are new every morning. Let us guard our mind with the Word of God lest the sin of murmuring and complaining creep in unawares. May we be reminded to submit wholeheartedly to the higher authority, be it in the form of instruction or punishment, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus all the days of our lives.