Elder Ko Swee Chay

 

Tame the Tongue

Introduction

One published statistic claimed that women speak about 20,000 words per day, 13,000 more than the average man. Another published study led by Dr Matthias Mehl found that "there was no significant gender difference whatsoever. On average, women speak 16,215 words per day and men speak 15,669 words per day. However, the distribution for this study was huge. One person used an estimated 795 words on average per day, while another used almost 47,000 words per day (both the least and the most talkative participants were men)." Some of these statistical data may sound high to us, but whatever it is, the fact is that we speak many words daily. When added up, this could easily come to tens if not hundreds of millions of words in a life time of threescore years and ten. Imagine the magnitude of those many words and the potential influences and impacts on people. We experience regrets saying things at the spur of the moment or out of anger which should not have been said. We engage in gossiping, spreading rumors, bad mouthing and criticizing others. The words we speak reflect what is in our hearts, and reveal the kind of person we are, our spiritual condition and maturity.

 

God’s Word says "Death and life are in the power of the tongue…." (Pro 18:21). In the book of James, the power, influence and danger of the tongue are aptly and wonderfully described. The sins of evil speaking and the need to guard and control our tongues are widely taught in the Bible, particularly in the Psalms and Proverbs. Let us have a deeper look at this important subject, to learn to keep our tongues from evil and sin, and to know how to speak good and gracious words to help, encourage, motivate and build up the faith of others. "Whoso keepeth his mouth and his tongue keepeth his soul from troubles" (Pro 21:23).

 

Various usage of the word "tongue" in the Bible (this section is adapted from WYCLIFFE BIBLE DICTIONARY, Charles F Pfeifer, Howard F Vos, John Rea EDITORS, HENDRICKSON PUBLISHERS, page 1723) -

In the Bible, the words "tongue" and "tongues" appear some 160 times: 103 times in the OT mainly in Job (11 times), Psalms (34 times), Proverbs (19 times), and Isaiah (14 times); 57 times in the NT mainly in Acts (11 times), 1 Corinthians (20 times) and Revelation (10 times). This word "tongue" is used in the Bible in the following ways:

1. It is used to denote the physical organ of man in such actions as thirst (Lam 4:4 "The tongue of the sucking child cleaveth to the roof of his mouth for thirst…"); dumbness (Job 29:10 "The nobles held their peace, and their tongue cleaved to the roof of their mouth."); and lapping (Judg 7:5 "So he brought down the people unto the water: and the Lord said unto Gideon, Every one that lappeth of the water with his tongue, as a dog lappeth, him shalt thou set by himself; likewise every one that boweth down upon his knees to drink.").

2. It is used by synecdoche for the person as in "my tongue was glad" (Act 2:26 "Therefore did my heart rejoice, and my tongue was glad; moreover also my flesh shall rest in hope:"; cf. Ps 52.2; Pro 26:28; Isa 45:23; Jam 1:26); Sometimes "every tongue" means "every person" regardless of the language he speaks (Isa 45:23 "I have sworn by myself, the word is gone out of my mouth in righteousness, and shall not return, That unto me every knee shall bow, every tongue shall swear."; Phi 2:11 "And that every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.").

3. It is used as the organ of speech (Jam 1:26, 3:5, 6, 8 & 10), both good and bad. Love and kindness may be in the tongue, i.e. speech (Pro 31:26 "She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness."; 1 Jn 3:18 "My little children, let us not love in word, neither in tongue; but in deed and in truth.") as well as insolence (Jos 10:21), falsehood (Ps 78:36), and slander (Ps 15:3). It may be slow (Ex 4:10) or as swift as the pen of a ready writer (Ps 45:1). Moral qualities are ascribed to it, such as arrogance (Ps 12:3), deceit (Job 27:4; Ps 52:4, 120:2) and lying (Ps 109:2; Pro 6:17, 12:19, 21:6). It is also an organ of singing (Ps 51:14; 126:2; Isa 35:6).

4. It is used as a synonym for language or dialect (Deu 28:49; Act 1:19; Act 2:4, 8 & 11; 1 Cor 12: 10, 28 & 30; 1 Cor 13: 1 & 10 etc.).

5. Another use is for the tongue of animals, including the dog (Ex 11:7; Ps 68:23), viper (Job 20:16), and crocodile (Job 41:1).

In this article we shall focus on speech, the spoken words that come out from the mouth.

 

Understanding the power and danger of the tongue

In James 3: 3-12, James uses various real life pictures to describe and illustrate the tongue. Even though it is a small member of the human body enclosed and hidden within the mouth, it has destructive power, and can pose great danger and impact to others. In so doing he wants us to recognise the magnitude of the problem which all of us face in our lives, which is the first step towards attempting to tame our tongue.

1. Power to direct (Jam 3:3-4)

James uses two analogies of the bit and rudder, both of which are small devices, to illustrate the point that the tongue, though small, is very powerful. Man puts bits in the horse’s mouth to direct and control the entire horse to move in the direction and speed the rider wants. Man designs and uses a small rudder to steer large ship in the ocean through strong winds and storms to the destination the captain wants. In the same way, the tongue gives commands, orders, instructions, and words of encouragement or praise. As the bit is under the control of the rider and rudder is under the control of the ship captain, the tongue comes under the control of man. If properly controlled and regulated, the tongue is effective to help, encourage, motivate and build up the faith of others; to guide people to make the right choices and decisions. The best of all is the tongue that is able to direct the lives of other in the midst of challenges, trials and temptations into the path of righteousness and narrow way to heaven, and not to the path of destruction and broad way to hell. However, be mindful that the tongue also has same power to direct people into the wrong way to sin and hell, either sincerely or out of ignorance.

2. Power to destroy (Jam 3:5-6)

We read often of the devastating destruction of forest fires in California USA, Australia, and our neighbour Indonesia, where many lives, houses and properties were destroyed. In recent months, we were faced with the haze problem with air quality near or at the dangerous levels over a prolonged period of time. James is comparing the tongue which is a little member of the body and yet it boasts great things like a small spark or fire which can set aflame a great forest. This is a consequence of what would happen when we don’t keep or guard our tongue. A careless word, a half-truth, or even the complete truth, or needful and righteous feedback spoken in a manner where there is no hint of grace and love, before you know it, people get hurt and become bitter and hateful, arguments and conflicts erupt. James went on to say "And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity: so is the tongue among our members, that it defileth the whole body, and setteth on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire of hell." (Jam 3:6). James is highlighting the great danger if we don’t use our tongues with great caution; an unchecked tongue is a world of iniquity that defiles the whole body because it is "an unruly evil, full of deadly poison" (Jam 3:8b). In addition, the way and the manner in which words are spoken: the voice, the tone and the facial expression can also hurt, offend and stumble people badly.

3. Power to praise and curse (Jam 3:9-12) – incomprehensible inconsistency

James pointed out the inconsistency and hypocritical nature of our tongues which is not guarded: with the tongue we bless our God and our Father in Heaven, and with the very same tongue we curse men, who are created after the image of God. Out of the same mouth come blessing and cursing. "My brethren, these things ought not so to be.". James went on to give two illustrations that this contradiction doesn’t happen in nature. It is impossible for a fountain to send out at the same place both sweet water and fresh water, or both salt water and fresh water. Similarly, it is impossible for the fig tree to bear olive berries, or a vine three to bear figs. True children of God ought not to use his or her tongues for sin!

 

Can we tame the tongue?

James mentioned that no man can tame the tongue: "For every kind of beasts, and of birds, and of serpents, and of things in the sea, is tamed, and hath been tamed of mankind: But the tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison." (Jam 3: 7-8). James is saying mankind is able to tame all animals, birds and sea creatures but humanly speaking is unable to tame the tongue. I can’t tame my tongue and you can’t tame your tongue. I can’t tame your tongue and you can’t tame my tongue. James is not saying the tongue is untameable, but it can only be tamed by the Holy Spirit for Jesus says "…. with God all things are possible." (Matt 19:26). We must rely on the power of the Holy Spirit indwelling in us to control the tongue. We need to be mindful of every word that comes out of our mouth. With the help of God’s Word and the Holy Spirit, and with our mindfulness and willingness to change, over time we will get better at controlling our tongues.

 

Practical actions to tame the tongue

We all know and appreciate that words are incredibly powerful. Words can encourage, motivate, bring joy, comfort and cheer the heart, build up the person. Words can also discourage, cause despair, upset and break the heart, tear down the person. Observing the people around us, we can easily and quickly notice the vast difference between a good tongue and a bad tongue. As a Christian and to be a good witness and testimony for Christ, we ought to have a good tongue. Let us consider a few actions which can help us tame our tongue and to transform it to a good "tongue."

 

1. Know our Heart & Tongue

Jesus says "But those things which proceed out of the mouth come forth from the heart and they defile the man. For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies." (Matt 15:18-19). The heart influences the tongue. Things that proceed out of the mouth come from the heart. Taming the tongue begins with examining and changing the heart. Conduct a cardiac investigation on our hearts and do a check up on our tongues!

 

2. Read & Memorise God’s Word

In the Bible there are many golden verses which instruct and teach us something about the tongue. Reading the books of Psalms, Proverbs and James will help us to tame our tongues. Examples:

"The Lord shall cut off all flattering lips, and the tongue that speaketh proud things." (Ps 12:3).

"Deliver my soul, O LORD, from lying lips, and from a deceitful tongue." (Ps 120:2).

"Whoso keepeth his mouth and his tongue keepeth his soul from troubles." (Pro 21:23).

"The tongue of the wise useth knowledge aright: but the mouth of fools poureth out foolishness." (Pro 15:2).

"… let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath." (Jam 1:21).

"If any man among you seem to be religious, and bridleth not his tongue, but deceiveth his own heart, this man's religion is vain." (Jam 1:26).

 

3. Think before we Speak

We need to think before we speak. This is to guard against engaging the tongue without engaging the mind. I find the acronym THINK (Adapted from "Taming the Tongue" by Brian Bill, SermonCentral.Com) useful. Each time before we speak, try to ask ourselves these five questions:

T – is it True? Check the facts first, don’t say something which is half true or not sure.
H – is it Helpful? Will your words help to comfort and encourage or solve a problem?

I – is it Inspiring? Will your words motivate and build up someone?

N – it is Necessary? Will that matter if you keep quite?

K – is it Kind? Are your words based on a desire to help or care and concern?

These five questions help to engage the mind before engaging the tongue and mouth, and help to evaluate something we are about to say and whether we should or shouldn’t say. If what we are about to say doesn’t pass this simple test, then don’t say it. Remember the Chinese saying "一言既出驷马难追"meaning "a word once spoken cannot be retracted."

 

4. Listen More, Speak Less

God’s Word says "In the multitude of words there wanteth not sin: but he that refraineth his lips is wise." (Pro 10:19). Remember, the more we speak, the more opportunities for us to regret saying something improper, inappropriate or wrong. Let us not open our mouths if we have nothing good or edifying for others to hear. Also, watch out for "verbal diarrhoea" which is an irritation and time waster to the hearers. In the old days in school, we used to say to a person guilty of this, "if you remain silent we will not call you dumb".

 

Proper use of the tongue

"A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver". (Pro 25:11). Words can hurt, and can hurt very badly in some cases. Well-spoken, thoughtful and gracious words, on the other hand, can help, encourage, and motivate one another and build each other up.

1. Stop insulting and criticising others

Insulting words have lasting hurt on another person. Criticising is passing censorious judgment and behaving proudly.

2. Stop engaging in gossip

Gossip is destructive and subtle. Don’t listen to things which are not edifying to our own souls, even if they are true, more so if they are half-true and false. Be careful about sharing things we have heard about others.

3. Speak clean and pure words

Some words are just simply not proper or supposed to be said. The many strings of foul army language I picked up during the 2.5 years of national service took me a long time to get rid of from my mind.

4. Speak thoughtful words

Pro 15:28 says "The heart of the righteous studieth to answer, but the mouth of wicked poureth out evil things." As Christians we ought to carefully choose our words and deliberate on thoughtful words before speaking.

5. Speak edifying words

The Bible instructs us to not have corrupt communication, but to speak words that are good for edifying and ministering grace to the hearers: "Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers." (Eph 4:29).

6. Speak truthful words

A lying tongue not only destroys our credibility, it is of the evil one and a sin. Let us say what we mean and mean what we say. Jesus says, "But let your communication be, Yea, yea; Nay, nay: but whatever is more than these cometh of evil." (Matt 5:37). Pro 12:19 says, "The lip of truth shall be established for ever: but a lying tongue is but for a moment."

 

Jesus warns us that we shall have to give an account of every idle word that we speak in the day of judgement: "But I say unto you, That every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgement. For by thy words thou shalt be justified, and by thy words thou shalt be condemned." (Matt 12:36-37). Our Omniscient God hears every word we speak. We must recognise and always remember that we will have to stand before our Lord Jesus Christ to give an account of what we say.

 

Conclusion

We speak many words daily. These spoken words can have great impact and influence on our loved ones and people around us, either positively or negatively depending on how we use our tongues. God’s Word clearly teaches us the need to recognise the power, influence and danger of the tongue even though it is just a small member of our bodies. The Lord condemns lying and deceitful tongues, evil speaking and corrupt communication, and the need to tame our tongues. Based on our own strength, we are unable to tame our tongues, but by the power of the Holy Spirit and God’s Word our tongues can be tamed. We need to do our part to be mindful and careful of what we say and how we say it. We need to be aware that the heart influences the tongue and things that proceed out of the mouth come from the heart. Taming the tongue begins with keeping and guarding the heart. God hears every word we speak; we will have to give an account of every word we speak in the day of judgement. Let us pray the prayer of the Psalmist: "Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O LORD, my strength and my redeemer." (Ps 19:14). Amen.