My dear readers,

(Excerpts from Building Firm Foundations, Dr SH Tow)

1. Nature and Nurture

The whole human race is fallen in sin, under condemnation. Before we came to Christ for salvation, we were children of disobedience and by nature the children of wrath (Eph 2:2, 3). Our children too from the time of birth already manifest the same fallen nature. Every child heralds its arrival into the world with a cry and soon (without having to learn) erupts into tantrums of self-will. To young and new parents their newborn child is the loveliest thing in all the world, and to this we all heartily agree.Nevertheless, as enlightened believers we also agree with the old preacher who setting eyes on the baby exclaimed: "What a beautiful bundle of iniquity!"

We have said enough about the need to discipline a child. A further word about the method of discipline by Christian parents. Discipline must be administered with love and parental concern. It must be firm arid never frivolous or in a fit of temper. While the intention is to correct errant behaviour or cure some bad habit, there must always be the encouragement towards the positive. At all costs, avoid empty threats, punishments which cannot be enforced, an appearance or spirit of vindictiveness, resentment or vengeance.

Never make the sentence something which the child ought to do anyhow, and should love to do, e.g. "Now for being disobedient to Mother, you will read your Bible for half an hour," or "You must attend Youth Fellowship meetings for one month." These activities must never be made punitive sentences. Rather our children and youths should be encouraged by spiritual instruction and parental example to love God's Word, to love the Church and its activities.

In this day and age, the nurture and upbringing of children is full of pitfalls and difficulties. Parents have to pray for and pray with their children and spend time with them consistently from infancy through their childhood days. Those times spent doing useful and constructive things with them are precious beyond price. Once lost they can never be recalled, for children advancing into their teenage years are already leaving the parental nest.

Childhood years are years to nurture. It is now or never!

2. When parents apologise

One of the hardest lessons for parents to learn is that they are not infallible. There are times when they are unfair or unkind to their children, perhaps unintentionally or even unconsciously. Nevertheless, in the weakness of the flesh, they have wronged their son or daughter. The child has been obviously hurt. Has this ever happened in your home? If we think back honestly, many parents will discover, to their surprise, that they are not free from this fault.

God's Word admonishes Christian fathers: Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged. Fathers are usually the disciplinarians in the home. In the exercise of their authority, it is possible for them to exceed their bounds and become unduly rigorous or severe. It may be a hasty conclusion or a one-sided judgment based on incomplete evidence. As a result, the child has been unjustly reprimanded or unfairly punished. A wrong has been done which even a little child senses.

Children may say nothing, but deep in their hearts a reaction begins to set in. There is a feeling of hurt, possibly anger, resentment, and even rebellion. Of course, the individual psychological and emotional make-up varies, and some children react more than others. Nevertheless, parents should recognise that children do have personalities and feelings and hurt feelings may leave mental wounds and scars. It is well also for parents to remember that, before they realise it, children will grow into adolescents and soon into young adulthood. What kind of parent-child relationships should we be building now that will make for a stable, loving and lasting bond in the years to come?

Prevention is better than cure. Let all Christian parents take stock, how they treat their children. Let authority be exercised with love and fairness. One good tip is to put yourself in the place of the child, and the issue becomes a lot clearer. Is this how I would like to be treated by my father? "In everything by prayer" is another good rule to go by. Constant prayerful communion with God gives wisdom for every situation. But when a child has been wronged, father or mother should have the courage to admit it and say, "Son I'm sorry, my judgement was wrong. Please forgive me." Then, lovingly, parent and child will be reconciled, and God's peace in the home restored.

Parents are human – and fallible. O God, teach us when we are wrong to ask for forgiveness.

3. What mean ye by this service?

Children are by nature curious and parents do well to always have a ready and reasonable answer to their questions.Many parents help their children in their school-work. Some even study for them. Their zeal and ambition for their children's success in worldly learning is to be commended.

Can this same zeal and ambition be applied to the things of God's Kingdom? Indeed it can, and it should. Remember, God's plan is for every believing parent to be the spiritual guide and teacher to the children. It is therefore very essential for all parents to equip themselves adequately, at least in Basic Bible Knowledge concerning the main doctrines of our faith. How else can parents instruct their children?

Of course we are not asking all parents to become theologians! But parents must know the basics, the essential minimum. The historic event of the Exodus is one of the essentials every believer ought to know, and know well. God commanded that His great act of deliverance be observed forever by the congregation of Israel. Naturally the children of future generations will ask, "What do you mean by this service?" They are curious to know. Then the parents ought to be able to tell them, "It is the sacrifice of the Lord's Passover, who passed over the houses of the children of Israel in Egypt, when he killed the Egyptians, but spared our houses."

Today we no longer observe the Passover. Its place has been taken by the Sacrament of the Lord's Supper. In our church we observe this once a month. In other churches more often, in some it are the may be less. Nevertheless, the elements are the same: bread and wine. Only communicant members of the church participate while the others are excluded or simply sit as observers. Now the children want to know. "What is it you are eating, Mom? Why am I not allowed to eat?" And so they come with their questions.

Christian parents, Are you able and ready to answer their questions? Do you know the answers? Are you quite clear in your own minds what Holy Communion is? What is the meaning of the bread and the wine? Do you know the difference from the Roman Mass?

"What mean ye by this service?" Be sure of your answer before your child confronts you with the question.

Yours faithfully in the Saviour’s Service,

Dr SH Tow, Sr Pastor