My dear readers,

(Excerpts from Building Firm Foundations, Dr SH Tow)

1. Monogamy, monotony

The temptation of some woman younger and more attractive than one’s ageing wife will raise the question, "Can’t a believer have more than one wife? Abraham (father of the faithful) had three and Jacob had four. Why can’t I have just one more?" Perhaps you had occasion to doubt God’s wisdom in making the marriage union for just two persons. Perhaps you have thought out some very good reasons for polygamy, e.g. the monotony of the same old spouse! It’s time for a change!

Not quite. Firstly, let us relearn our theology. God’s ways are always perfect. He ordained it to be one-plus-one and no more. He made no mistake about it. If there is ever any mistake or miscalculation, it is never on God’s part. Rather, it is always on man’s part.
Monotony? Yes, indeed, says the carnal mind. The flesh with its lust clamours, "A change! Variety! New experience!" It all sounds very exciting. Unnumbered millions have gone the way of the flesh, only to find that the payment is not as the promise. My dear reader, the monotony of monogamy is not to be compared with the bitterness and strife of polygamy!

Read again the passage from 1 Kings 11. Solomon loved women. With his kingly power and wealth he gathered 1,000. Some perverse wit remarked, "Variety is the spouse of life." Those women turned away Solomon’s heart after other gods, and his heart was not perfect with the Lord. Read also the lives of Abraham and Jacob and the price they had to pay for their multiple wives.
No, my friend, polygamy was never God’s plan. It was the work of man’s carnal desire. A believer must not be ruled by his carnal mind, "For to be carnally minded is death; but to be spiritually minded is life and peace .... So then they that are in the flesh cannot please God" (Rom 8:6, 8).

Monogamy in the Lord gives you and your spouse a monopoly of each other, within a fidelity one to the other. Consider the instruction from God’s Word: "Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord" (Prov 18:22). "Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth" (Prov 5:18). "Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her …" (Prov 31:10, 11).
But godliness with contentment is great gain!
What if our Heavenly Husband should get tired of us?

2. Single but not solitary
By definition the unmarried are single. Our concern is with those who stay single past the average age of marriage – the confirmed bachelor and spinster. Why do some people stay single? Generally it is a matter of the person’s urge and occupation. With the majority the course of nature (the "mating instinct") works toward a settlement in marriage. For a few, the instinct may be less urgent, or may be sublimated into the pursuit of career or hobby. Consequently the individual is busy and contented with life, somewhat oblivious to the advance of the years.

There is no question of which is better: to marry or not to marry. Neither can be said to be better for any particular person. He or she has to decide. The more important thing is to be contented, whatever state one is in, and to devote oneself to strive for the glory of God. "Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God" (1 Cor 10:31). Whether you marry or remain single, do it to the glory of God!

A single person has an advantage over the married person in serving the Lord. As Paul says, He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord. Similarly, with the woman. The single, unattached person will be more mobile (e.g. to become a foreign missionary), and can afford more time serving in the Church. This is true only if the person is fully devoted to God’s service.

What about the state of celibacy, i.e. remaining single for life? Certain religious groups teach that celibacy is an expression of the pure life (the renunciation of dirty sex) and is a way of gaining merit with God. Such a doctrine has no Scriptural support and is a clear contradiction of God’s will for man in creation (that a man shall leave father and mother and shall cleave unto his wife). This doctrine originated in the fourth century by the introduction of pagan philosophies and practices into the Church of Rome. We therefore reject monasticism, asceticism and celibacy as unChristian practices.

The single believer may take comfort in belonging to the greater family of believers in the Church community, a blessing which renders him or her neither solitary nor sorry!
Let us do all to the glory of God. In whatever state, may we be contented.

Yours faithfully in the Saviour’s Service,
Dr SH Tow, Sr Pastor