My dear readers,

(Excerpts from Building Firm Foundations, Dr SH Tow)

The unequal yolk

The essence of the marriage bond is a fusion or union of two individuals. "The two shall be one flesh." The union is not only physical but psychological and spiritual as well. The mutual attachment and affection between husband and wife causes a convergence of likes and dislikes, of outlook and ambition, of ideological and spiritual persuasion. After a time the two think as one, speak as one and act as one.

One of the problems faced by some Christian young people is: May a believer date someone who is an unbeliever (or a Roman Catholic)? Simply going out in itself is harmless enough, but the questioner obviously has the ultimate objective of marriage in mind. God's Word is positively against "mixed marriages" i.e. marriage between believers and unbelievers. God forbade the Israelites to marry outsiders "For they will turn away thy son from following me, that they may serve other gods: …" (Deut 7:4).

In a mixed marriage there is a conflict of loyalties, a contest of affection: it is either God or spouse. An unbelieving spouse has become a "god", an object of affection. God says "I the Lord thy God am a jealous God" (Ex 20:5). He will not tolerate competition from any person or thing. Our love for Hirn must be exclusive and total. We must love Hirn with all our heart and soul and mind and strength. An unbelieving spouse makes this impossible.

Moses forbade the children to yoke an ox with an ass. The two are mutually incompatible in size, strength and temperament. To yoke them together was simply creating an unhappy and impossible situation, and sooner or later the partnership must end. The Apostle Paul wrote to the believers in Corinth warning them against the unequal yoke in marriage. It is simply not right for a Christian to be yoked to a non-Christian in marriage. To do so is to ask for trouble.

Listen to someone who made such a mistake: "John accompanied me to Church regularly and showed keen spiritual interest. He promised to become a Christian after our marriage. Eight years have passed and he has not believed, neither has he attended Church. He has nothing but ridicule and bitterness toward the Gospel. Our children are torn between two loyalties. I never knew there would be such troubles. If only I had obeyed the Scriptures. Why didn’t someone warn me earlier?"

Believer, flee the unequalyoke!

"Can two walk together, except they beagreed?" (Amos 3:3)

This is written specially with our young unmarried believers in mind, in particular some who aredating unbelievers and Roman Catholics, or members of liberal, charismatic and new evangelical churches (who hold different and unscriptural doctrinal beliefs and persuasions). For you, the future is fraught with risks.

It may be that you are being almost helplessly attracted to someone. It might even have been "love at first sight" and you are almost convinced that you have found your ideal life partner, but for that little nagging difference of faith. You know that there isn't the same persuasion, the same stand of separation from unbelief, the same commitment to God's infallible word. But the thrill and eagerness of "first love" minimises the differences and obstacles. Perhaps the other person will come round to your beliefs. Perhaps!

A word of caution and advice. Make haste slowly! Count the cost before you take the plunge. Getting married is not like buying a car. Once "hitched" you cannot simply say "Take it back.

It's not what I want." Remember Samson. He was guided by his carnal instinct. Delilah was beautiful, captivating and desirable. He got her, and fell into a snare from which there was no escape. He paid dearly – with his life.

Marriage is serious business. Your first "heart­throb" is not necessarily the one that God has in mind for you. If you realise that our Heavenly Father is deeply interested and concerned about whom you marry, then you will want to commit your way to the Lord. Once you have grasped this truth, all sense of anxiety and haste will be allayed. Then you may relax and say, "Lord, please take charge. Guide me, and lead me to the right person, the one of your choice."

Read Psalm 37:4, 5 again. The promise of God's word is most assuring. The Lord will give you the desires of your heart; He will bring it to pass. But you must first delight in the Lord and commit your way to Him. Resolve to glorify the Lord in your marriage. The Biblical portrayal of marriage is that of the church united with Christ. It is a most beautiful picture of the redeemed and the Redeemer, the purified believers and the Saviour united in a perfect bond, sealed and sanctified by His own precious blood.

Marriage is much more than physical!

Yours faithfully in the Saviour’s Service,

Dr SH Tow, Sr Pastor