My dear readers,

Proverbs 11:12 “He that is void of wisdom despiseth his neighbour: but a man of understanding holdeth his peace.”

Sharing of material things is usually a good thing. It speaks of generosity, kindness and care. The person who shares is compassionate and empathetic. He is usually well-liked because of his helpfulness. God uses him to relieve many fears and address financial difficulties.

However, when it comes to sharing information about others, it is best to be more guarded and less forthcoming. Proverbs 11:12 teaches us how to hold our peace. The literal translation of the verse is, “To despise his neighbour is he who is destitute of heart, but a man of understanding holds his peace.” From this verse, we learn two precautions that every believer must take:

• Will it help? – Our neighbours are not mere acquaintances but people close to us, like a brother, a friend, or a companion. When we share something about a stranger, it must be truthful. The facts and the context must align. The stranger we share with others will never know we talked about him, and he will not mind. For example, if I say that Billy Graham was more like a Balaam than a Jehoshaphat because of his many compromises and erroneous teaching in later years, and Billy Graham is still alive, he would not care or mind, as I am a nobody to him. But when it is someone I know and have affection for, like a close friend or brother, anything I say about him will hurt him and negatively affect our relationship. Relationships we have with fellow believers, as well as friends and siblings who are not believers, are always precious to God and must be precious to believers too. The unbelievers God has sent into our lives need to know Christ through our love and care. The believers are our eternal family in Christ, whom God has brought into our lives. Christ’s blood is our common bond.

“Wisdom” is translated from the word that is usually rendered as “heart” in other Old Testament passages. I believe the reason the KJV translators chose “wisdom” is that the emphasis is on the application of knowledge, i.e. what we know about someone. Since it is not like the usual usage of “wisdom,” which is the application of God's Word, this context is about how to apply the personal knowledge we have of a brother or friend.

When a person is void of wisdom, i.e., he does not know when not to share the knowledge he has of his neighbour, he is actually despising his neighbour. A few examples may help to understand this truth.

The first example: when what we share is not factual about our neighbour. Lying and deception are the worst. Other names for this sin include slanderer and gossipper. We are sowing seeds of discord. We are killing our own relationship with our neighbour. How foolish would that be?

The second example: what we share is the truth. But even though it is true, will sharing it help the neighbour? If it does not help the neighbour, then it is best not to share. For example, if your friend is being considered for deaconship by the elders of the church, and you know he struggles to keep his temper in check at home, especially toward his family because you have gone on several holidays with his family. You need to speak the truth to the elders about his anger issues because if he becomes a deacon, and loses his temper at meetings, he will be sinning against God and God's people. He will be miserable in his weakness. In any discussion of church issues with his fellow Session members, he may struggle to control his anger. The elders will most likely advise him to not stand for re-election. His testimony before his fellow Session members will be devastating. All the Session members will cautiously curtail his service in the church. They will be wary of inviting him to serve with them, having tasted his hot temper. Under such circumstances, you must share with the elders to protect your friend from himself.

The third example is when the truth is shared, it must be with the right people. A friend committed certain sins or struggles with a weakness that may require professional help. You know the facts, but you are not able to help. Thus you must share the truth with someone who you know can help. Your only motive is to help your friend. There may be situations whereby you know you are not the best person to help. Then the right person must be approached to help. Sharing the truth about your friend may help other believers struggling with the same problem. In such cases, it is wise to share the situation truthfully without naming names, especially when naming the person will not help. The primary purpose is to help the neighbour, without any hidden agenda.

• Slow to Speak – God says that the man with understanding will know when to hold his peace, i.e. not to say anything. Holding our peace, i.e. our tongue, is one of the most difficult things to do in life, even for believers. If a believer can control his tongue, he is a mature believer in God’s eyes. He is a believer with understanding. He understands how his words can build up or tear down his neighbour. One may spend years building a friendship, and it can take only a few careless words to destroy it. It is tragic because good friends are very hard to find. Yet, how sad and true are careless words when spoken or written, and lives are never the same again. But the believer with understanding is very measured in all that he says and writes. He prays and thinks carefully before he speaks and writes.

God has given to all His children the best counsel on the importance of controlling their tongue in James 3:1-12 “My brethren, be not many masters, knowing that we shall receive the greater condemnation. 2 For in many things we offend all. If any man offend not in word, the same is a perfect man, and able also to bridle the whole body. 3 Behold, we put bits in the horses' mouths, that they may obey us; and we turn about their whole body. 4 Behold also the ships, which though they be so great, and are driven of fierce winds, yet are they turned about with a very small helm, whithersoever the governor listeth. 5 Even so the tongue is a little member, and boasteth great things. Behold, how great a matter a little fire kindleth! 6 And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity: so is the tongue among our members, that it defileth the whole body, and setteth on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire of hell. 7 For every kind of beasts, and of birds, and of serpents, and of things in the sea, is tamed, and hath been tamed of mankind: 8 But the tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison. 9 Therewith bless we God, even the Father; and therewith curse we men, which are made after the similitude of God. 10 Out of the same mouth proceedeth blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not so to be. 11 Doth a fountain send forth at the same place sweet water and bitter? 12 Can the fig tree, my brethren, bear olive berries? either a vine, figs? so can no fountain both yield salt water and fresh.”

May we all take heed to know when NOT to share.

Yours faithfully in the Saviour’s Service

Rev Dr Quek Suan Yew, Pastor